Reflections on the year…

Firstly, I am sososososo sorry I haven’t blogged! I did warn you guys though…but M feels that an apology is in order for not keeping you guys updated on things. So, I am very sorry. When M learnt that I hadn’t blogged for over two weeks, he wasn’t exactly pleased. As a consequence, my butt cheeks were rather stingy this morning… And now, that same arse is currently being filled with my butt plug. Oh M does like to torture me…He knows I’ll find it difficult to work now. Clever, very clever…

So, Friday was mine and M’s one year anniversary with each other. We went out for a lovely meal in the evening. He got me a charm for my bracelet/collar – it was a little silver cat! I love it so much. I got him a DVD he wanted, a book and some homemade chocolate truffles. There was a little domination as well as lots of cuddling and snuggling in bed afterwards.

Recently, I have felt that M is really growing into his role as my Dominant – he has been expecting more of me as a submissive and hasn’t really needed much prompting lately. It’s allowed me to relax a lot more as a submissive I think. I don’t mind teaching M about things he isn’t sure about or doesn’t know much about but it’s nice to really let him take the lead. The change from a completely vanilla boyfriend to being a Dominant in the bedroom has suited M I think. He definitely enjoys his time dominating me anyway :p

It’s been an interesting year with M. I can barely remember our initial conversations about BDSM when I first told him that I am a submissive. I do remember trying to explain exactly what that meant, but you can never really quite capture what it means, what it feels like, in words can you? And M didn’t understand much in the beginning. But I am incredibly glad that he was open to trying new things and accepted me wholeheartedly. In fact, it is he who has to remind me now that he loves me for all of who I am, whenever I get embarrassed about my reactions to him calling me slut and whore, and whispering those naughty, dark fantasies in my ear whilst he fucks me hard…

I love it when he uses me roughly, or when he is insistent with his commands even if I am a little reluctant to submit because I’m tired or I’m not in the mood…I always seem to end up enjoying it and asking for more…and I know I am always safe with him, so I know he won’t push me too far if I’m really not up to it.

I’ve also gotten past a lot of my fears [from last year (see note at bottom)] with M…I no longer flinch away from him if he makes sudden movements – obviously, I do still get startled like any other person, but it’s no longer disproportionate to the action. I no longer flinch when he calls me “slut” – I am his kitten, his submissive, and his only. I no longer flinch at the belt – in fact, in the last two weeks, I’ve asked him to whip me with it on several occasions. I no longer panic when M backs me into a corner  – I feel secure in an odd way.

However, there is still one thing which I haven’t quite gotten over. I’m still a little shaky when M takes me hard doggy-style. It just doesn’t feel intimate and I guess that’s part of the problem. I want to work on it with M and get over it, but I’m not too sure where to start…perhaps M will have some ideas…

I am incredibly happy to be with M and hope that we have many many more happy anniversaries to come. In eight months time, M and I will become a long-distance relationship due to the demands of our university course. I can’t say I like the idea but it was a conscious decision on our part. However, I know that we will be strong enough to cope with it. We will be supported by our friends I’m sure, and we’ll only be an hour away from each other so we’ll get to see each other often.

I love you M x

nom nom nom paracetemol and strepsils…

I hate being ill. You can’t get anything done and you just feel awful all the time. Your appetite goes and you don’t want to do anything but sleep. Ugh. So, that’s my current status. And M isn’t even here to make me feel better this weekend – He went home to see his family. Oh well. C’est la vie. I did find an article a few months back about Dominants caring for their submissives when they were ill though which did make me smile – ah here it is.

Thursday and Friday (before I got ill) were amazing though…Thursday night, M and I had a rough play session again – that evening I showered and put my butt plug in as well as a thong before heading over to his… When I got there, he had me remove my clothing except for my underwear. And then he noticed the little surprise I had for him…he bent me over the bed roughly and stroked my arse, pinged my thong and tapped on the plug. I could barely restrain a moan. I held my breath, not knowing what he would do to me for surprising him with it…

He let me straighten back up before raising his eyebrow at me. I offered a small cheeky grin in return.

“Did you like my surprise?” I asked hopefully.

“Very nice.” He smiled before gesturing at the floor beside him, where I was to kneel and wait. Whilst I was waiting, he had me write down all the things I wanted that evening – he knows I find it difficult to tell him what I want out loud…

Things took off from there, and, well I was very well fucked…he had me beg him too…which was more difficult than I imagined actually – having to use the word “beg” made me feel so dependant on him…

We also tried anal sex…which didn’t quite go to plan…he went in and it felt good and then…pain. LOTS of pain. Not good pain either. So we abandoned that route fairly quickly and he cuddled me a little bit before carrying on fucking his pussy… M says I need to use my plug more often and work up to it and he might also get me more toys for my arse which are bigger to help…

 

Right, I’m off to rest some more so that I can get better soon hopefully

Updates galore!

Finally have the time to write on here! yay 🙂 to make it up to you all, this will be a long post!

Things are settling down into more of a routine now which is nice – I’m being kept busy with work and juggling the whole work-life balance thing. M and I are well, happy to have each other close by again and so we can carry exploring our D/s journey together. We’ve had a few play sessions together since we got back but nothing too heavy yet – I’m sure that will come soon…

Last week, I was feeling rather out-of-sorts and wanted hugs from him as well as needing him to dominate me. But things kept getting in the way of us spending time together and it was all very frustrating – in fact I went and hid in M’s room when I was at his and a friend came over with a housemate. I thought that M would have to spend lots of time talking to his friend and stuff – by the way, I’m not on great terms with this friend at the moment – and got quite upset that our time was yet again interrupted. Freakin’ PMS. Turns me into an emotional wreck sometimes. I think M realised though because within five minutes he was in the room with me. By this point I’d crawled onto his bed and had curled up on top of the duvet. He just held me and reassured me that the friend was leaving soon and wouldn’t stay long.

Once he’d left, I confessed to M what was bothering me – that I’d been wanting hugs and wanted to be his kitten for the afternoon but other people kept getting in the way because it’s polite to socialise with them and all that…

He hushed me and held me close to him for a while, before commanding me to strip naked whilst he did the same. Then he proceeded to pull me close and spoon me whilst entering me – we stayed like that for a while, just lying there together, not moving, just feeling each other…

Eventually, he shifted inside of me and started thrusting gently. I thrust back until both of us wanted more. He ordered me to climb on top of him then and ride him…

Seems like this week has just been dragging on forever – I feel quite tense for some reason. It’s like nothing ever goes as it should, even if it does. I’m just a bit on edge I guess. Hmm.
M and I did have a lovely play session yesterday though. I got really horny (thank you Kayla – those links [mainly this and this] were the end of me trying to work yesterday haha) so I decided to text M to ask if I could come over. And be dominated. Lots. Roughly. Fucked. Hard. Luckily he agreed. Not sure what I would have done if he hadn’t… As soon as I came through the door, he told me to strip and lie on the bed and rub myself for him whilst he finished what he was doing. I felt like I was waiting ages even though it was probably only two or three minutes. I also wasn’t rubbing/fingering myself to his approval apparently…he came over and fingered me hard and roughly briefly and said that THAT was how I was supposed to do it…ohhh it was good. Making me wet remembering it now…

Eventually he came over and started touching, talking dirty to me, musing what he should do to me out loud…oh the anticipation…and then he finally made me ride him. But I wasn’t allowed to move – I had to let him control the pace…I didn’t do very well at that…and then he threatened to pull out of me and not let me have his cock at all. Suffice to say, I did a very good imitation of a statue at that point. I needed a lot yesterday – M pulled out all the dirty names that he doesn’t always use: slut, bitch, sex toy, sex slave, even whore…I don’t think he’s ever used that last one…it did turn me on though…then there was the breast spanking, arse spanking, scratching…it was the most explosive orgasm I’ve had in a while!

And now I’m feeling horny again. Damnit. M did promise me he’d take me later though. But only after I finished blogging. And it has to be an extensive blog to make it up to you guys for the lack of posts recently. Not that I mind blogging of course.

What else do I have updates on? Hmm…

Ah, rules. All of them are in full flow now, though we’ve had to tweak the work one as I find it really difficult to keep track of the number of hours I’m working a day, outside of uni lectures and things. And spending time away from M…well, I have been, but we just haven’t really been keeping track I just realised…hmm…aside from that, it’s all good. No more punishments really except for maybe a light scolding a while back. I’ve been so busy I can’t even remember! Oh dearie me.

I’m going to apologise in advance now if I disappear again for another 2-3 weeks – I have an exam coming up in two weeks and then competencies the week after that…hopefully I’ll still be able to make time to give you all updates and regale you with mine and M’s shennanigans 🙂