Kitten found :)

I found my kitteny self again! Yay! (In my mind ‘kitty’ = vanilla me and ‘kitten’ = subby me.) I was like a little kitten stuck up a tree who couldn’t get down and needed some gentle coaxing from her owner…

On Sunday night, M and I had a bit of a play over skype. It felt like ages since the last time we sat down properly and did something like that.

At first it didn’t start off too well – he ordered me to redraw the ‘M’s: I obeyed but he didn’t talk me through it like he normally does. He asked if I wanted him to give me orders whilst doing so (meaning talking to me through the whole thing and telling me that I’m his) except I said no because I didn’t realise that was what he meant. I thought he meant direct orders that would probably break my concentration on feeling and reflecting on the fact that I’m his and nobody else’s. I always feel floaty when I have to redraw the ‘M’s whilst he talks me through it. So I was left feeling a bit insignificant and sorta dejected because of that. M picked up on it and asked me what was wrong so I said in a little voice: “you didn’t talk me through it…” It all came spilling out then: the ‘you’s, ‘I’s, ‘I thought’, ‘you thought’, ‘I’m sorry’…communication really is key in D/s. Not that I didn’t know before but it just emphasised the point to me.

So he wanted to do it again. At first I wasn’t really keen. But then he asked if I wanted to give myself over to him completely. This is the question he always asks before I submit to him big-time. It almost always precedes any hard play we have. It gets me in the right frame of mind to really submit and let go. It gets rid of the playful-almost kitty-like-kitten. And in its place is the meek, quiet, devoted, completely focussed kitten. (more on that here) I love it. I love that feeling. The feeling of calming down and knowing that I am M’s. Knowing that I will willingly do whatever he wants without hesitation. That I am there for his pleasure.

I nodded slowly.

And in that moment, I realised that I truly did want to give myself over to him completely. To submit entirely. I hadn’t felt that way in such a long time…(well a week or two. but it felt like a really long time.) I really did want it. I hadn’t lost my submissiveness or anything. And M still wanted me as his submissive even though I’d been practically refusing him all week…or at least my heart wasn’t in it…

I cried a little at the realisation. M got very worried which was sweet of him so I had to explain what was wrong. Well not that anything was actually wrong really…

He had me do my deep, slow breathing to focus my mind on him first. It might sound a little silly, but it really helps me calm down and focus.

In…out…in…out……..

“Are you ready kitten?”

A small nod.

“Ok. Now, I believe your pajamas are in the way of you giving yourself to me entirely. I want them off please – I want nothing on except your collar. Sit so you’re completely exposed to me – I want to inspect you.”

My pajamas came off and I sat myself down with my feet together and my knees bent but apart, so that my his pussy was on display.

“Good kitten. Now touch yourself all over. I want you to appreciate every inch of this fine body. Start with your legs…yes stroke them lightly…now onto your tummy and your stomach and your breasts…feel your smooth skin…now your neck…good…back to your pussy now…don’t go in, not yet, but stroke around the outside lightly.”

I glowed from the orders he was giving me. I love the gentle Dominant side of him…the quiet, compelling commands…

Soon he had me playing my pussy, coating my fingers in my own wetness whilst making me watch him play with himself. I wanted him inside me so badly…soon he promised. For now, I would have to accept getting myself off in front him as a substitute. M allowed me to cum but had me continue playing with myself afterwards whilst watching him get himself off as well. He knows that I get really sensitive after I cum but he had me do it anyway, just to remind me who is in charge…

“My very good kitten…” he murmured. “Not quite done yet kitten…we’re going to redraw the ‘M’s now ok?”

“Ok…”

“Put your finger back into your pussy.” I whimpered. “Shhh only gently ok…” I bit my lip and persevered. “Now, draw the M on your pussy…”

Slowly, I withdrew my finger and spread my juices on my pussy in an M.

“Ok, put your finger back in once more…gently…now the other M”

I repeated my previous actions over my heart.

“Good kitten. My very good kitten. Nobody else’s.”

For the first time in a week, I felt content. After cleaning ourselves up, M and I said our goodnights and I curled up with his shirt, imagining that he was there holding me as I drifted off to sleep…

Bittersweet train journey (Weekend part 1)

So I just had the most amazing weekend ever. But as they say, all good things come to an end, and I am on the train home from M’s now. However, my pussy is nice and sore from being filled so much in the last three days, and I am pretty much purring in satisfaction and content.

Here is my account of the weekend. It will be split up into 3 parts most likely as there is too much to tell. However, my memory is a little hazy in places (probably because I have been pushed further than ever before by M, and I still haven’t quite come down from the high yet…), so forgive me if some details seem brief.

On Friday night, M took me hard and fast, making me ride him roughly as we were so desperate to feel each other after five weeks of not seeing each other…after we had both cum, he decided to inspect me properly as I had proposed the idea to him the other day.

He sat me down sideways on his lap and lifted my head up, turning it this way and that, peering at me closely. He said nothing to me, apart from the occasional, barely audible “hmm”s. Trailing his hands down to my neck, he stroked softly for a few moments before pushing me a little to get me to stand up. I could feel his hands stroking my back, going further down before resting on my arse and squeezing a little. Turning me around, he ghosted his hands over my breasts, before taking my nipples in his fingers and pinching them, squeezing my breasts roughly. His hands carried on their journey, skipping over my pussy saying “I shall inspect that properly in a moment” and running down each of my legs instead. After running his hands over every inch of my legs, he returned to my pussy, bidding me to lie down on the bed with my legs spread. As he probed and explored and tasted his bare pussy, I wriggled a little at the sensations.

Finally concluding his inspection, he sat back down on the bed beside me. Hesitantly, I asked what he thought.

“Hmm…you have a beautiful face, especially your pretty eyes. Your breasts are very nice and squeezable. Your legs are just so soft and smooth and your arse is just so spankable. My pussy is so wet and tight for me. I smiled shyly at his praise and cuddled closer to him.

After that, he wanted to try out my new butt plug on me so I obediently bent over the bed and let him push the plug into me, before taking me again…

The next morning, I had the pleasure of waking up to M sliding into bed with me to snuggle me. That morning we made love, gently and softly, whispering our love for each other whilst we moved together, gradually speeding up before those whispers turned to whimpers and then into soft cries of release…

However, I was still quite worked up and wanted more and begged M to let me use the butt plug on myself. He agreed and let me lube up the plug and slide it into myself…I love that feeling of being full. I moaned and whimpered, wriggling around slightly whilst M smirked at me.

“Feel good?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I moaned an affirmative. M promptly turned me over his lap and landed a stinging blow to my butt cheek. I moaned even more at this.

Slap. Slap. Slap.

“I wonder what will happen if I spank here?” I felt my plug being played with and whimpered.

SLAP.

I squealed at the impact as it drove the plug deeper into me momentarily.

Slap. Slap. Slap.

Tugging me upright once more, Sir plunged his fingers into me and started fucking me with them.

“What do you want, kitten?”

“M-may I get myself off on your knee?”

Withdrawing his fingers slowly, he voiced an affirmative.

“Go on then kitten, grind yourself, get yourself off on my knee.”

I whimpered as I did so and moaned when he encouraged me.

“Go on slut, I can see you’re almost there, go on…”

When I finally came, I bucked against his knee and collapsed against him. M gathered me up into his arms and lay me down on his bed, cradling me to his chest, praising me softly.

At some point that morning, Sir also marked me. It wasn’t visible to anyone else but it made me feel so loved and wanted as a submissive…He dipped his fingers into his pussy to get them wet and drew an ‘M’ on it. Repeating the action, he drew on another ‘M’ on the right side of my left breast. He finally drew a third ‘M’ on my forehead, saying that he’d drawn one there because all of my thoughts belong to him as well. I nodded and snuggled closer to him. Then I said “my right boob feels a little left out now” as he had not drawn one there to match my left. He looked me in the eyes and said “I wasn’t drawing on your boob.” Needless to say, I was a little speechless and very touched to hear that he considers my heart to be his…I already knew it of course, but it’s nice to have evidence sometimes ^^ gooey kitten. That definitely merited more snuggles.

We spent the rest of the day pottering around the house and garden, as well as nipping out to the shops to get a few things. We also went out for dinner to a lovely little Thai restaurant and I wore the dress M got for me when he was on holiday in Rhodes 🙂

Now, after dinner when we got back home was interesting… TBC