Discussions and a Punishment

So I blogged a while back (a month ago actually…didn’t realise it was that long ago!) about having rules and after some discussion with M we agreed to seven rules that I am to follow. At the moment, only four of them are active as the others can only be put in place when we are both back at university. The four currently active involve sleeping (minimum number of hours and what time I should be up by), exercise and work.

I have to say, they are harder to keep track of and stick to than I initially thought. So much so that we had to change one of the sleeping rules – it was initially to be maximum hours slept (M thinks I sleep too much apparently…) but we had to change it to time I should be up by as I kept on panicking about that fact that I had to be up in so many hours which meant I couldn’t get to sleep properly. It’s odd how a small change can make such a big difference! This rule is mainly to stop me lazing in bed all day though (since it is the holidays) so I’m sure it’ll be a lot easier once I return to uni and settle back into a routine.

Last Sunday was my first proper punishment for not following the rules…we agreed that every Sunday, we would sit down and have a look back at the week and see if the rules have been adhered to…suffice to say, in the week preceeding last Sunday, I had struggled with my new rules. M devised a list of punishments that he will stick to – in a nutshell, all he has to do is add up the number of times I broke the rules and look up the corresponding punishment…

The punishments range from a stern telling off with no hugs for 5 mins (I like my hugs!) to having my collar taken away for a day, only being returned when M feels I have reflected adequately on my actions (for repeated transgressions). M does of course take into account anything that may have affected my ability to follow the rules – any “extenuating circumstances” as it were.

Back to last Sunday…it was hard. I have to admit (and this is actually really really bad of me) I did giggle a little when he started telling me off over skype – I think it was just that neither of us had been in that position before and we both had to adjust our mindset. However, it did turn serioius rapidly and well…I cried when he ended the call for five minutes and ignored me as part of the punishment. I hated that I had broken the rules when I was the one to ask for them in the first place…I was angry at myself for disappointing him, even though he said that the rules were in place for my benefit, and therefore the only person I was disappointing was myself…somehow that just made it worse. Almost like he was saying, “I don’t care if you follow the rules or not” even though I know he does, otherwise he wouldn’t punish me for stepping out of line. Still, I was ashamed for being a bad kitten…

When the punishment was over and done with, all was forgiven though I still felt quite upset by what I’d done. M confessed to me afterwards that he hated punishing me as much as I hated being punished. Which is the way punishments are I guess…

Today should be a lot more cheerful though hopefully – as far as I know, I have kept to all the rules and I know M is proud of me for accomplishing my exercise and work targets for the week early 🙂 yay me. I think it’ll be interesting to see how the rules change and progress as we go back to uni and have to deal with everything real life has to throw at us…

Rules?

This has always been somewhat of a touchy subject with me – being who I am, when it comes to work and general real life, I’m quite independent. Having been to boarding school when I was younger, I had to learn to take care of myself and I guess that’s just kinda stuck. Obviously, I do crave submission and I like letting someone else take care of me and also serving them in return, or I wouldn’t be M’s kitten. But the whole idea of having rules just rubs me the wrong way. I know many submissives do have a set of rules their Dominants expect them to follow and I’m not knocking them for it – each D/s relationship is as unique as the people involved in it. I’ve just never felt the need to have a list of rules I must follow (probably as I’m more of a bedroom submissive), and none of my ex-Dominants have really been keen on the idea either. I get the feeling M isn’t too keen either though we’ve never really talked about it.

Perhaps it’s just some rules that I have no tolerance for. Things that involve handing over financial control of any sort, or restrictions on friends and social activities for example. That would be a deal-breaker for me, end-of. But there are other things I guess I could tolerate and perhaps learn to like – things that remind me that M likes looking after me and cares for my well being.

So here are some rules that I’ve been pondering tonight:

• A minimum requirement for the number of times I go to the gym each week (mainly because I suck at finding enough motivation to go the gym. Who doesn’t?!)
• Having to ask to buy junk food, or only being allowed a certain amount a week. (Probably a good idea in light of the skin problems I’ve had this year…which have cleared up now I’m home. Mum doesn’t tend to buy chocolate, or sweets, or cake etc that much. Please think about this one Sir! I’ll be living opposite Waitrose in September!)
• Getting enough sleep…not entirely sure how it could work though. Have to think more on this one…

I don’t really know what else would work…though I do know that if I did have any rules, they would definitely have to have punishments that M stuck to if I broke them (unless, say revising for an exam gets in the way. Or a deadline for an essay.) I guess having rules would be  a reminder of who’s in charge. I can be quite a bratty submissive when I want to be and I think M knows this. It’s my way of finding out where the limits are and how far I can stretch them – I need to know where that line is and that if I cross it, I’ll be punished. I need that to be a happy, healthy submissive…

I wonder what Sir thinks about this…