Kitten found :)

I found my kitteny self again! Yay! (In my mind ‘kitty’ = vanilla me and ‘kitten’ = subby me.) I was like a little kitten stuck up a tree who couldn’t get down and needed some gentle coaxing from her owner…

On Sunday night, M and I had a bit of a play over skype. It felt like ages since the last time we sat down properly and did something like that.

At first it didn’t start off too well – he ordered me to redraw the ‘M’s: I obeyed but he didn’t talk me through it like he normally does. He asked if I wanted him to give me orders whilst doing so (meaning talking to me through the whole thing and telling me that I’m his) except I said no because I didn’t realise that was what he meant. I thought he meant direct orders that would probably break my concentration on feeling and reflecting on the fact that I’m his and nobody else’s. I always feel floaty when I have to redraw the ‘M’s whilst he talks me through it. So I was left feeling a bit insignificant and sorta dejected because of that. M picked up on it and asked me what was wrong so I said in a little voice: “you didn’t talk me through it…” It all came spilling out then: the ‘you’s, ‘I’s, ‘I thought’, ‘you thought’, ‘I’m sorry’…communication really is key in D/s. Not that I didn’t know before but it just emphasised the point to me.

So he wanted to do it again. At first I wasn’t really keen. But then he asked if I wanted to give myself over to him completely. This is the question he always asks before I submit to him big-time. It almost always precedes any hard play we have. It gets me in the right frame of mind to really submit and let go. It gets rid of the playful-almost kitty-like-kitten. And in its place is the meek, quiet, devoted, completely focussed kitten. (more on that here) I love it. I love that feeling. The feeling of calming down and knowing that I am M’s. Knowing that I will willingly do whatever he wants without hesitation. That I am there for his pleasure.

I nodded slowly.

And in that moment, I realised that I truly did want to give myself over to him completely. To submit entirely. I hadn’t felt that way in such a long time…(well a week or two. but it felt like a really long time.) I really did want it. I hadn’t lost my submissiveness or anything. And M still wanted me as his submissive even though I’d been practically refusing him all week…or at least my heart wasn’t in it…

I cried a little at the realisation. M got very worried which was sweet of him so I had to explain what was wrong. Well not that anything was actually wrong really…

He had me do my deep, slow breathing to focus my mind on him first. It might sound a little silly, but it really helps me calm down and focus.

In…out…in…out……..

“Are you ready kitten?”

A small nod.

“Ok. Now, I believe your pajamas are in the way of you giving yourself to me entirely. I want them off please – I want nothing on except your collar. Sit so you’re completely exposed to me – I want to inspect you.”

My pajamas came off and I sat myself down with my feet together and my knees bent but apart, so that my his pussy was on display.

“Good kitten. Now touch yourself all over. I want you to appreciate every inch of this fine body. Start with your legs…yes stroke them lightly…now onto your tummy and your stomach and your breasts…feel your smooth skin…now your neck…good…back to your pussy now…don’t go in, not yet, but stroke around the outside lightly.”

I glowed from the orders he was giving me. I love the gentle Dominant side of him…the quiet, compelling commands…

Soon he had me playing my pussy, coating my fingers in my own wetness whilst making me watch him play with himself. I wanted him inside me so badly…soon he promised. For now, I would have to accept getting myself off in front him as a substitute. M allowed me to cum but had me continue playing with myself afterwards whilst watching him get himself off as well. He knows that I get really sensitive after I cum but he had me do it anyway, just to remind me who is in charge…

“My very good kitten…” he murmured. “Not quite done yet kitten…we’re going to redraw the ‘M’s now ok?”

“Ok…”

“Put your finger back into your pussy.” I whimpered. “Shhh only gently ok…” I bit my lip and persevered. “Now, draw the M on your pussy…”

Slowly, I withdrew my finger and spread my juices on my pussy in an M.

“Ok, put your finger back in once more…gently…now the other M”

I repeated my previous actions over my heart.

“Good kitten. My very good kitten. Nobody else’s.”

For the first time in a week, I felt content. After cleaning ourselves up, M and I said our goodnights and I curled up with his shirt, imagining that he was there holding me as I drifted off to sleep…

Hormones…

Don’t you just love them?! Ugh. Was NOT a happy kitty yesterday. Kept getting upset and annoyed at the littlest things. Was missing M a lot even though I know I’ll be seeing him on Sunday. PMS and all that jazz sucks. Didn’t help that I got woken up early by the tiler coming in to do the kitchen. He sings. Loudly. I guess he’s not actually that bad a singer…just has a poor choice in songs!

The mother also kept annoying me – I mean, I love her and all but she can be really annoying sometimes; kept interrupting me when I was on the phone to M. Ruined my peaceful subby mood 😦 luckily M knew I was feeling emotional and annoyed (and probably bordering on hysterical at points if I’m honest) and took control quickly before I threw a tantrum (I feel like a badly behaved, whiney child when I’m PMS-ing I swear!)

He shushed me and had me breathe deeply for a while.

“Breathe kitten…focus on me. Focus on me and nothing else. No…just me. No it’s not all ruined. Give yourself over to me. Ignore her. Just focus and breathe…”

We’ve used this technique before when I have flashbacks about last October (see note in italics at the end of that post) but I have to say it’s never worked as well as it did last night. I suppose the flashbacks are a lot scarier than my mother annoying me though…Anyway, the breathing technique worked! I felt all calm and kitteny afterwards and very comforted…I did have my nose buried into the shirt M had sprayed with his scent and given to me though, which probably helped a lot. I was completely focussed on M. Nothing else mattered.

We spoke on for a little while longer, and when Sir found out that I would have the house to myself for a few hours he issued a few orders for me to follow.

“After you have dinner, you are to go to the bathroom and give yourself a quick clean all over – and I mean everywhere. Then you are to run a bath and put your butt plug in. You are to then get youself off as many times as you can whilst you soak in the bath. You must soak for at least half an hour and you must play with yourself contantly. The butt plug isn’t to come out until you finish your bath.”

Yes Sir. After putting the phone down, I hurried round the house to do as he told. I took a quick shower and as I waited for the bath to fill afterwards, I bent over the side of the tub and slid the plug into my arse. Oh it felt good. Settling down into the hot water, I shifted for a while, trying to find a position that didn’t force the plug into a painful position. I started touching and rubbing my clit under the water, flicking it a little. I grabbed the vibrator I’d taken into the bathroom with me and slid it into me efortlessly. Soon, water was splashing everywhere as my attempts to cum became more frantic. Finally reaching my peak, I relaxed bonelessly in the water for a minute, letting the warmth soothe me. However, as I sat up to check the time, I realised I was still shaking. Whimpering a little, I started to slide the vibrator into me once more but I couldn’t stop shaking. In the end I settled for playing with my clit and caressing myself under the water.

When I was out of the bath and dry, M got me to ring him again and asked me to tell him what happened. He ordered me to finger myself  again to get my finger wet and then told me to re-draw the ‘M’s he had placed over my pussy and my heart three weeks ago. He then praised me for being his very good kitten and obeying him, giving myself over to him…

I spent the rest of the night snuggled up in his hoodie, perfectly content in the knowledge that I was his completely…

kitten has a new toy!

Wow. That was quite an experience. Right now, I am currently sitting here blogging…with a butt plug in my arse!

And how did I end up in this situation? Well…Sir gave orders that I was to buy or order a butt plug by Saturday as I have been thinking of getting one for some time now. So, being a dutiful kitten, I went into town and bought myself one. It’s pink!

Tonight, M ordered me to try it out…so with a little trepidation I took it out of its packaging, gave it a good wash and lubed it up… Pulling down my knickers, I bent myself over the dresser and slowly pushed the tip into me…I could feel it slowly but firmly stretching my arse, going in further and further until it could go in no more and popped into place. It felt exquisite…if I’d known how good it felt I would have invested in one earlier! I immediately asked Sir if I was allowed to cum – he said yes but he wanted me to use my vibrator on His pussy at the same time. Well. I slid my silver vibrator into my already wet pussy and thrust it in and out of me quickly…however, this wasn’t enough and after pulling it back out, I started using my fingers to thrust in and out whilst rubbing my clit at the same time. I could feel the pressure building quickly until it eventually exploded as I came, long and hard, this kitten’s pussy clenching around her own fingers…

After I’d recovered somewhat, I messaged M again, and although he had to go, he left me with my orders for the night: 1) I was to blog straight away; 2) I am allowed to cum again if I want to but both my vibrator and butt plug must be in use; and 3) I am to sleep naked tonight… *shivers* if it was this good tonight by myself, I can’t wait until I see him again and he can use the plug on me himself… Floating right now….

And I shall now leave you with a photo of my new toy 😉 after all, a picture is worth a thousand words.